What NOT to do at US Customs

1) Ask him to frisk you again

2) Tell the agent about just getting back from a seminar in Bagdad

3) Keep ducking, and tell him the birds are getting bad in the airport

4) Ask the agent to come real close, and try and guess your perfume

5) Turn around, point to your buttocks, and ask the agent if your pants make your ass look big

6) Unbuckle your belt, and say you are a superpatriot, and don't mind being strip searched in public

7) Tell him if he does a rectal exam to let you know if you have hemorroids

8) Explain that you are clutching your genitals because your bladder is full

9) Declare that your are in a hurry to get to your "cell" meeting

10) Bend over, and tell the agent you will give him a "horsey ride" if he lets you through quick.